It has been a year since I had emergancy brain surgery.  Six months after brain surgery i begain to become ill again and after test were run it was discovered i had a uturs full of fibrods.  I opted for a procedure called embolization because I did NOT want an historectamy.  It was almost a 6 weeks since the embolization and again i became more ill than recoverning.  Pain drives one to all kinds of levels of destress and discontent.  I was experinceing extreem adominal pain and bleeding somewhere intestinally.  I had a colonoscopy that showed a huge polup.  The polup was almost too big to remove via the colonoscopy but praise the dr. was abble to manuervour it out.  Yea the polup was benighn. 

I am ready to be well.  I am feeling some better. 

My speech is improving.  I am able to read for longer perioids of time before my eyes quit focusing;  between an hour to two hours.  Counting to 30 is easier than it was several months ago.  I can dial the phone  numbers but it is difficult.  I know where the dishes go in the kitchen usually.  I will mean to go to the kichen or another room and go the wrong room.  Math is still elusive.  I can not quite wrap an understanding around how to add or multiply anything too complex.  I am ealsy upset and frustrated.  My eyesite ...well it is hard to say if it is better or the same.  I see about a cresents worth out of the left corners of both eyes.  My depth perseption is some better... i can tell that something is kinda trailing infrount of another object; but i do not understand by how much distance.  Objetcts seem to come up to quick... what i mean is if i reach for something i will bump into it trying to reach for it rather than just reach out and pick it up at the right amount of distance.  Also i find myself searching for an object on my right side; my visual perseption of where it is at is off  about 3 to 6 inches. 
I am concerned about the depth perception and my reaction time for driving...  for now i am still not allowed to drive and i understand this... but it is becoming a burden not to be able to take care of errands.  

I am physically weak and i try to do some excersing as much as possible.  I am so thankful for the couple of ladies that come to the house for tai chi every week day morning.  I would love to build a little tai chi studio/art room onto the side of the house.  I keep thing on some way that i could make it happen. 

At times i am very angry and at times i can console myself that gee my whole life is differnt now... nothing is expected of me not since i am just a mouthy brain damaged consuming human being.  Oh sure some say well you could have been parralized or brain dead...   i am not far from those things.... i just got lucky and my mouth still works real well.   And while the body can walk it is frustating to feel all the pain and frustrations of how it works now.  Though i think with the embolization of the fibroids and the removal of the polup the pain is receiding in the adominal areas. 

I have concedered what is important to me.  I want to relearn to draw and paint.  THIS IS THE MOST FRUSTATING of my loses!!!!  As a watercolorist i was beginning to blossom.  My work was showing itself to be a pleasent expression for the eyes to view.  My attempts now are only something a mother would commend out of love for her child.  I know i will have to work throught the muddy stage again to become i hope accomplished enough that the painting is pleasent to the eyes. 

Finding purpose!!!!!  I want to have purpose. 

The medical weight of three surgeries also weights heavy over our finaical stituation.  We have hobbies and intrest other than paying bills.  Our little house also needs some repairs.  Even small repairs require large summs of money... mostly because that is what it takes just to get someone to do the job.  We live in an area where repair people are lazy and their quility of work is substandard.  That is one reason we have not gotton the ease on the roof repaired.  No one wants to mess with a small job and then it is just as hard to find someone to do a good job. 

Don and i went on  three day holiday to a starparty in Nashville, Arkansas.  We had family come and house sit and cat sit two of the cats. Precious we had boarded at the vet.  It was wonderful not haveing to deal with precious.  It was a nice break from the her; she has caused so much upheavle along with all the other mess of being sick.

We had a good holiday in Nashville, Arkansas at the star party.  Don will have a full report on the star party that you can read at his blog.