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Cats and Christmas... timmmmber (Monday, December 12, 2005 - 8:41:23 AM)
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The cats love the Christmas tree. Precious a Norwigen Forest Chat is happey; she has her forest. She is good and just lounges and plays under the Chrismas tree; however, Ben as be caught several times trying to make it to the top. HIs efforts stoped and the decoration left amiss. Yesterday He and Hobs successfully toppled the tree leaving strewed and some bulbs crushed and the tree stand broken. The tree now sets in the corner back in its box until we make it to the store to purchase a new tree stand.
Don and i went to Heber Springs Saturday to sightsee and go by the House of Yarn.
I've had a good week up until yestereday (Sunday) ; i have cycled into a grief stage; Mild compared to several weeks ago. I have also had a change in meds. I am having w/d from one anti-seizure med and adjusting to the new one. I feel about as sick as when i came out of surgery.
I am very impateint about becoming well. I am discouraged and have not been doing much self therapy. The speach therapist that comes twice a week is nice but the therapy is'nt very inovative. I have done more theraputic work on my own. I am emencly thankful for the friends that come over for tia chi.
I spend my day crocheting, microwaving meals, enjoying friends dropping by for a visit, walking to the dollor store occationally, live for tai chi class, and several times a week friends will pick me up for an outing. Doesn't sound to bad. It is the healing that is taking up so much time.
The Christmas tree is back in place with a new stand and its lower branches removed. I also sprayed the tree with cat repellent before we started redecorating it. The only chat that is staying away form the tree is precious and she was not a tree climber to begin with.
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Tai Chi (Tuesday, November 22, 2005 - 5:58:17 PM)
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Before my accedent i had begun studying tai chi, a form of Martial Arts that stretches and stregtnes the body. Tai Chi reduces stress and strengthenes the body. I teach learn basic stances, poster and footwork. I teach cordinating breathing with streches and stregthen the body with relaxations and movement.
I am so excited about started back to teach tai chi. I am not allowed to drive yet, so i am having my friends come over at my house to pracice tai chi. I am a soical excerciser.
I am feeling better and keep reminding myself of the kind of person i am. I felt more like her today. I'll make the best of this and find ways to enjoy the life i enjoy enjoying.
I am really looking forward to a little redecorating. I want to be surround in colors that make me happy.
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Lost Idenity (Monday, November 21, 2005 - 2:13:49 PM)
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I have been studying watercolors for about four years and had become an accomplished artest with the medium. With contiuned studes i would have been very good.
I have lost the abbility to draw and paint. I hold the brush and it feels as before, but the sweep of the brush across the paper is not the same. I do not understand how to paint, nor mix the colors. Of all the peices of myself that i have lost this is the most harsh. I am so lost. I am full and yet empty. I am full of what i remember and hoped for and empyt of all those dreams. What i held dear and dreamed most is gone. I have some small hope of relearning the art... but it is heartbraking to start over...
I deispise this new world i am forced to live in. I am aware of the stages of grief and i am very much in the fist of such heart throbing pain.
This place hurts so much i feel lost from the person i knew as myself. I am light and airy, and a little mischievios, know where i am going, just happy because....
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Not taking today well part 2 (Wednesday, November 16, 2005 - 10:31:47 PM)
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The most discourage i have ever felt in my whole life. I see why people just up and quit trying.
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Not taking today well (Wednesday, November 16, 2005 - 10:45:17 AM)
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A simple task becomes an ordeal that did not meet any finality. SS called and asked that i return their call. I touch the phone button that will dial the number of a person that has called me; only SS this number is not a working number for returning their call. I used google local search and got the genral number rathr than the direct line to the ss worker number. So i listen to the message the lady left 6 times and still was not able to get the number she said to call; part of it is me... but i begin to see that she did not speak cleanly, slowly and i am not so sure she gave the whole number. I probobley just can not hear it. I am hoping that the matter was already dealt with because i made two trips to the SS yesterday for the purpose of giving them information; and she had called inbeteen one of the trips.
I would have never thought that using the phone, and everyday occurance done with not much effort, is a trail.
I will most like not recieve any SS since i am so highly functional. And i am not going to act brain dead; i worked too hard to be well educated.
I wonder how will God use me. How am I going to work. I am still creative and obviously still able to troulbe shoot. I've been very creative at times getting through my new world. ... but math is so pervasive in the working world.
what am i going to be able to do.
I feel limited and closed in and floating. Floating till i am viewed as useful.
Searcing for active participal purpose.
soothed myself with stawberry Pockys and crocheting a shawl.
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